Bohn Dry

More fun going on in Boulder, and we aren't talking about the dude who dressed as a giant dragon for the Bolder Bolder.  Mike Bohn, AD at CU, is out.  Chaos and seeminginly endless blunders, are back in.

The SG has uncovered some little known facts about the Mike Bohn firing  resignation:

-Chancellor Phil DiStephano had a $1 bet with Mortimer and Randolph on whether he could use the term "fund raising" more than 20 times at the press conference.
-CU higher ups never really jived with Bohn's constant long sleeve golf pullover/khakis/CU lanyard look.
-Word got back to President Bruce Benson that whenever Bohn passed a gargoyle statue on campus he'd say "Good monring Mr Benson."
-Bohn liked to use the term "trajectory" a lot, which always stumped DiStephano when he was doing crosswords.
-Bohn overheard Benson complaing about "this damn fax machine" and mistakenly thought he said "start a damn lax team,"  hence CU will have women's lacrosse next year.
-CU higher ups realized just how far fund raising lagged when the only thing the received in April was a box of rusty door knobs from a home remodel in Lafayette.
-Mike Bohn was planning on further capitalizing on the C-Unit success by signing 50 Cent to the group.
-Dan Hawkins' instagram photos of him bathing in tubs of CU's money was finally starting to wear on Benson.
-While Jon Embree complained of a lack of bottled water, Bohn was constantly harping on the lack of potatoes and gravy stations throughout Dal Ward.
-With Bohn receiving eight season tickets to CU football for life as aprt of the settlement, next year's attendance will improve 25%

RELATED: Wu Tang Clan - "Triumph" - ("...the swift chancellor")

Action Bronson - "Strictly 4 My Jeeps"

Think back to your summer golden days, whether that be 1988, 1993, 1998, or 2005. There was always that summer banger that even when you hear nowadays, it gets the reminisce machine flowing. Here's Action Bronson with his own summer anthem for the 1-3. Cartwheels, big chicks in bikinis, eating a cake of your own face, the same Lowell Fulsom "Tramp" sample employed by EPMD and LL in "Rampage" and Cypress Hill's "How I Could Just Kill A Man"(and countless others.) Enough fun to dub it onto a Memorex cassette, sport a Stussy cap and get it poppin in your 93 Jeep.

Kool AD & Kass - "Fresh Prince"

You really want a breakdown of what went wrong in yet another Nuggets first round playoff loss?  Nope, nope, and nope.  You want that new sh*t from Kool AD and Kass, channeling their inner Will Smith and giving us a hilarious new video and bangin track "Fresh Prince," from that Peaceful Solutions mixtape?  It's better than Steph Curry and Andrew Bogut, trust me. 

PE Brings The Noise Again

Mrs Commish laughs at me when I get goose bumps when a certain handful of rap tracks start playing.  There's only a few that literally get the hair standing and send that "ooooh shiiiiiit" chill down my spine in anticipation of what is to come.  The opening salvo to Public Enemy's "Welcome To The Terrordome" is one of those chillers.

Perhaps it's knowing that the shear musical massacre of a beat that's coming, coupled with the "hard rhymer" Chuck D's lyrics.  Maybe it's the memories of copping that Fear Of A Black Planet CD in Spring of 1990 and after seamlessly listening to tracks 1-3 (the opener and equally banging "Brothers Gonna Work It Out" and "911 Is A Joke") and then the perfect intro of "Incident at 66.6 FM" before rolling into said "Terrordome." (Although the track was dropped the previous summer, it's placement in that entire album framed it ever more poignantly than as a stand-alone single.)

Maybe it was remembering the massive swaying of the McNichols Arena crowd in September of 1990 when that beat dropped, before somewhat disintegrating as a massive fight broke out among gang bangers in the first few rows.

Whatever the cause may be it is sure to be duplicated as PE becomes the second "new school" rap group to enter the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame this weekend.

While I opined that Run DMC changed my life, PE changed the way I looked at life.  It's easy for a white suburban teen of the late 80s to say how PE opened his or her eyes to an unseen world, it's almost cliche in the annals of Hip Hop history.  But, fuck it, in my case, it is damn true.

(Remember that Run DMC poster in the garage that is pretty tattered?  Yep, PE one right next to it.)

Who are these people they are talking about?  What is this injustice?  How serious of a problem is this even though it's not really going on in my neighborhood?  All questions that sought to be answered (and in some cases are still trying to be answered; as many of the topics PE addressed on each of their albums are still relevant.)

In perfect harmony with the content was the music, the beats, the samples.  Damn, the samples.  An album like any of PE's first three classics would put any record company into bankruptcy these days.  The list of samples reads like a 70s/80s soul/rock/rap/etc playlist to end all playlists.

Enter Chuck D above the fray of all else.  One of the most distinctive voices ever, and the most over-looked when the conversation of greatest ever MCs is brought up.  Sure, Chuck isn't gonna have some "oh damn, no he didn't!" metaphor, but he damn sure is gonna have that "damn, Chuck is dropping the knowledge" moment.

Mix in one Flavor Flav and his status as Hip Hop's top hypeman (and don't front on his solo efforts- "Get Off My Back" or "I Can't Do Nuthin For Ya Man", etc) and the crowd controller Terminator X (again, whose solo Valley Of The Jeep Beats contained some bangers "Homey Don't Play That" and "Buck Whylin") and you have a Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame resume like no other.

Yes, 2013.  PE still fighting the power, still bringing the noise, still rebels without a pause.  Just officially.

Winless on Blake

Here in Colorado we've had some crappy teams over the last 20 years.  In between Dikembe and Mr Lala the Nuggets had some gawd awful squads.  Check the Colorado Buffaloes football team this past year as well as some of their hoops teams in the day.  See the Avs and their quest for the number one pick this year.  Even the beloved Donks had some stinkers here and there.

And then we have the local National League professional baseball club.  In their 20 years of existence, they have had some real dog sh*t teams.  This year should be the steamiest pile they've ever had at 20th and Blake.

Speaking of dog crap, in the nearly seven years this blog has been around, we've never offered a season prediction...until now.

The assortment of laughable pitchers, veteran retreads and AAA caliber hurlers will help with the historic hapless season.  And we know there'll we an injury or two or three.  Tulo nursing something starting in May and lingering all year.  Then there will be the veteran trade offs.  Cuddyer in Detroit, Chris Nelson in Washington.  Carlos Gonzalez - gasp - in Toronto?  Everything that will go wrong in Purple and Black will go wrong.  Taps running dry, the clocktower getting struck by lightning, Dinger's costume getting ate by rabid coyotes.

The Rockies 2013 record?  0-162. 

RELATED: Fat Lip - "What's Up Fat Lip" - ("...been a loser just about all my life...")

SG Tadapalooza '13 Bracket Challenge

That's two straight NCAA tournaments for the Black And Gold, but the SG Bracket Challenge streak goes even longer.  This year we go back to the essence, no weirdo bets, no pay in, no one having to jump into a freezing cold lake in their underwear (except Kate Upton, she HAS to...)

Rules are pretty simple: fill out your SG Bracket, use a clever nickname, check back and watch your bracket go in flames on the first weekend.  Invite anyone you want...good luck...

SG BRACKET CHALLENGE (click here)

ID : 79396

PASSWORD : beer

(make sure to check the terms box) 
 

RELATED: Steady B - "Serious (BDP Mix)" - ("...Tad Money, definitely serious...")

Hip Hop Fact Checker: Treach

Artist: Treach of Naughty By Nature

Claim: "So clap your hands and hold your shorty" from "Feel Me Flow" (1995)

Breakdown: Treach is suggesting that we, one, "Clap your hands" which is pretty easy for most able bodied people to accomplish. Two, he asks us to "hold your shorty" which, again, is a fairly thoughtless task to do.

However, the tough part comes when the two tasks are being asked to be done at the simultaneously. Clapping one's hands and holding onto their wife/girlfriend at the same time would be very difficult.

Perhaps he is asking that we sit and hold onto said female with our legs while clapping hands? Maybe the claps are very weak as the wrist on up of the arms are holding onto said "shorty"?  Maybe there is a device, such as a rope or a ratchet tie-down invloved?

Conclusion: Yes, we can clap our hands and hold our shorty, but it will be very awkward and/or very demanding.

R.I.P. Tim Dog

In the Fall of 1991 I first heard Tim Dog and his seminal track "Fuck Compton." The Ced Gee produced track instantly got my approval, while the lyrics weren't going to confuse Tim Dog with Rakim, it was a defintie head nodder. I had always been a NWA and gangsta rap fan, with a collection of LA Kings and even a few Raiders (which was another interesting conumdrum for a Bronco fan) hats and gear to show my musical connection with the West Coast faction. So while "Fuck Compton" may have irritated many, it was just another chapter in the timeline of a young Hip Hop fan like myself. The 90s were a wonderful Hip Hop melting pot and Tim Fog surely mixed it up.

I've always thought that Naughty's intitial release may have "saved" East Coast Hip Hop, but Tim Dog's Penicillin On Wax made both coasts take notice...the East wasn't going anywhere. While in the annals of Hip Hop, Tim Dog may be seen as a one trick pony (although his "I Get Wrecked" with KRS in the Summer of 93 was another of the decade's underrated joints) his brief perch on top can't be ignored, then or even now.

Used To Call Me Fatso

Denver has had its fair share of ‘Fat’ people come through the 303 (and/or 720, because we always seem to forget about the 720 brothers) over the years. In honor of Fat Tuesday, let’s take a look:

-Fat Lever- Lost in the Magic point guard hype of the mid-80s was the Nuggets own PG, one Lafayette Lever, affectionately known as Fat. (I’ve tried for years to shorten Lafayette, Colorado to just ‘Fat’ but no one really get’s it.) Lean, quick, and playing long, Fat consistently had more triple doubles than his western conference Showtime counterpart. His rebounding prowess was perhaps one of the best that a true point has offered in the last 25 years.

-Brian Bohannon- Baseball players usually take the cake (pun intended) for being the most atheistically unappealing fatsos in the sports realm. The Rockies had their fair share over the years (Dante Bichette was no stranger to the buffets) but pitcher Brian Bohannon certainly was the most rotund. Dude looked more like a radiator salesman than a front line pitcher. Rumor was that he could not have a rosin bag because he mistook it for a bag of powdered sugar.

-Raymond Felton- Look, the guy was in the NBA and plays at a fast level, but he’s still got one of those faces that look if you take a pin to it, you’ll get 30 seconds of deflation.

-Wade Phillips- Colorado’s coaches over the last 30 years have been the thin variety- Shanny, Jim Tracy, Dan Reeves, Bob Hartley, Dan Issel. Even the bigger dudes are just that: big husky dudes. John Fox, George Karl, even Don Baylor, who most resembled Grimace the McDonald’s shake character. Not Donks’ coach Wade Phillips though, he was of the overweight variety. Slap a key ring on that guy and you have the high school maintenance man.

-Mike Horan- He was actually very skinny; but tell me that mustache and weird perm he had rocking wasn’t creepy even back then. Exact type of dude who’d be rolling Bourbon Street chanting “show me your t*ts!”

RELATED: Rahzel – “Make The Music 2000” - “More dark than Mardi Gras, rugged like Gortex…”

2012 Pack: Top CO Beer Spots

I don’t spend as much time traversing the metro and the state as years past checking out new beer spots. Two kids and all that stuff gets in the way (most bars frown upon high chairs among the beer taps.)

But I still made it to a few to highlight for the year of 2012 that is nearly a distant memory, you know, being three whole weeks ago.

Local micro-breweries seemed to popping up all over, some small enough to be smaller than a micro. On Denver's far-Eastern fringe, Caution Brewing opened up amongst a non-descript industrial park., complete with a Space Invaders game and a tasty blonde ale. Further north in my hometown, Big Choice Brewing opened in another industrial area with more tasty beers, a small bar area and a TV room upstairs. Keep going up US36 and a turn into Louisville will find Gravity Brewing, with one of the longest bars I’ve seen in quite some while and food available through a small window from the American Legion lodge next door.

Staying in Louisville a trip to Lucky Pie is a must, with their great pizza and ever changing beer lineups. Spent a hot summer afternoon for former Slushy Gutter Winner Juck’s bday there, where the kiddos could play in their fenced in “front yard.” Fast forward a couple months and my own bday celebration there was somewhat muted with a freak early October cold front but fun nonetheless.

The mountains got theirs in 2012, staring with Eddyline Brewing in Buena Vista, where we stopped post NCAA tourney in Albuquerque for a craft brew and hearty grub. Further up the way in Carbondale is Carbondale Beer Works, in a former post office where me and Slushy Gutter Winner TDub stopped for a cold beer on a hot summer day. Winter Park might not be the top summer destination, but a stop at The Library for one of their beers is a must, as me and the beautiful Mrs Commish learned on a lazy WP Beer Festival weekend.

Colorado’s spots are getting wise and adding more outdoor areas to drink and one of the best Boulder County has to offer is Oskar Blues Homemade Liquid and Solids in Longmont. The mammoth backyard is a perfect spot for families and enjoying their huge beer list. Staying in BoCo, Centro on the west end of Boulder’s Pearl Street may be known for their mojitoes but I managed a Ska Mexican Loggers on their quaint outdoor bar. Fellow CU fans have to venture to LoDo for an early season game at Blake Street Tavern, where the outdoor area will occasionally feature a huge outdoor screen and are very Black and Gold friendly.

Meanwhile back in Denver’s Central Platte Valley is the Denver Beer Company and their beers and rotating food trucks, where I spent a scorching June afternoon watching the gentrification pass by. Over pff Tennyson is Local 46, which was once a wayward dive bar but now features art on the walls and a live music. A skip away and across from Sloan’s Lake is GB Fish And Chips, where they’ll fry up anything and offer cheap PBRs (among other more traditional English brews) with soccer games on the telly.

While I certainly got in a fair share of LoDo’s, Old Chicagos, and other chains, I try to highlight the local spots, and one of those spots is Right Coast Pizza in old Wheat Ridge, locally flavored and laid back. Took the family there over the holidays, and while my youngest daughter goo-goo’ed and made faces at us, my oldest sang to her heart’s content and colored, with my wife enjoying a few seconds of peace and not wiping boogers or grabbing something from the diaper bag. I sipped on my cold one and watched other families in the Holiday spirit knowing there was no other place I’d rather be and no other people I’d rather be with. Enjoy these places not so much for greasy food, fancy chairs or the bartender with the tight shirt, but the memories and people you’re there with... Cheers.

Check the ID - past top beer spots:

2006 List, 2007 List, 2008 List, 2009 List, 2010 List, 2011 List

Still Cold

It's a cold world out there, sometimes I feel like I'm getting a bit frosty myself...

It's been a solid four plus days and the orange haze has lifted, the anger and over-analysis is in full swing, and maybe acceptance is creeping in. (Given recent events, can we just say that the game was a fictional hoax?)

There's enough "came down to one play" being thrown around that the all those plays can entail an enire football game. Manning, Moore, Fox. Donk fans wish that was a law firm advertising on daytime TV.

Manning had more than one play. Three turnovers, including a weird INT in OT on a throw that not even a young John Elway could make. By game's end he looked like a creaky old dude who had been loading too much wood in the cold weather. All those zippy passes were check downs to his ever-reliable tight ends.

The kneel down (a local football coach once said "Gandhi never took a knee." If you had Dan Hawkins as that coach, plus one, and if you can envison Gandhi taking a knee as QB without chuckling, plus two) had me incensed for a few days, but now thinking back to Peyton's inepititde that he wouldn't be able to get the ball to the first down marker, much less than the opposite 40. (Although why not try a short screen to Thomas or something that might have a chance to "pop" for 15-20 yards?)

And then there was Rahim Moore. What can anyone say that hasn't already been said/written/tweeted/posted? Dude made a crappy play. Scratch that, crappy is an understatement. Diarrhea-y play?

All these "one plays" mix them togehter and we get the imperfect scenario, even four days out. A week out after watching what could've been the AFC in Denver (forecast for Sunday: 45 degrees) and two weeks in what could've been the franchises seventh Super Bowl won't help this football hangover.

RELATED: Leaders Of The New School - "Sobb Story"

2012 Pack: Top Colorado Sports Moments

1- DeMaryius Thomas Goes 80 Yards for TD in Playoff OT- Bedlam ensues at Mile High.

2- Four Games, Four Wins for Pac 12- Staples Center becomes Coors West thanks to Buffs and C-Unit.

3- Buffs get big win in The Pit- Buffs go back to NCAA tourney in Albuquerque and beat UNLV.

4- Broncos sign Peyton Manning- That’s Mr. PFM to you and the rest of the NFL.

5- Nuggets Force Game Seven- Down 3-1, Nuggets win in LA in Game 5, back in Denver in Game 6.

6- Halftime Deficit? So What?- Broncos start winning streak by streaking past Chargers on MNF.

7- Buffs Bring in Coach Mac- SJSU's Mike McIntyre pegged to bring CU Football back to relevance.

8- Hometown Girl Does Good- Colorado teenager Missy Franklin goes multi gold in London.

9- Buffs Do The Charleston- CU Hoops avenge Baylor loss and win Charleston Classic Tourney.

10- For One Day It Was Fantastic- Buffs win only game of the year at Washington State in exciting fashion.

TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE:
2011 Tops
2010 Tops
2009 Tops
2008 Tops
2007 Tops
2006 Tops

2012 Pack: Top Hip Hop Albums

1 - Billy Woods – History Will Absolve Me

Last: #5 in 2010 (Super Chron Flight Bros)

Video: Duck Hunt

Notes: Billy Woods may be today’s greatest MC at painting a world of vivid imagery filled with obscure pop culture references, historical footnotes, and conscious level lyrics.

2 - Sean Price – Mic Tyson

Last: #2 in 2007

Video: STFU Part 2

Notes: The Alchemist produced “STFU Part 2” on continuous loop would be the perfect theme music for a post- midnight session of mailbox baseball.

3 - Dinosaur Burps – Mother Nature Wants You Dead

Last: NA

Video: Oddney Strangerfield (Lungbutter)

Notes: West Virginia based crew blends hard hitting beats with lyrics about “beating off all in my Snuggie” and other gems. Rappers who don’t take themselves too serious, a novel concept in 2012.

4 - Masterminds – Giant Antlers

Last: NA

Video: Suicidal Pigeon

Notes: Alfred’s “some men just want to watch the world burn” quote from The Dark Knight perfectly sets off this gritty NYC crew’s offering, seamlessly blending into “The Invisible World.”

5 - Aesop Rock – Skelethon

Last: #1 in 2007

Video: Zero Dark Thirty

Notes: Hip Hop isn’t dead when you can make a track about a “Homemade Mummy.” “Take the brain out, leave the heart in, major take down, eat the porridge, take the brain out, leave the carcass.”

6 - Dark Time Sunshine – ANX

Last: #1 in 2010

Video: Never Cry Wolf

Notes: I copped a signed physical copy of this release direct from front man (and one of the most underrated MCs in the game) Onry Ozzborn at their Boulder show. An added plus? He’s a Broncos fan.

7 - Oh No – Ohnomite

Last: NA

Video: 3 Dollars f/ MF Doom

Notes: Oh No again comes correct both behind the boards (where the samples from Dolemite set the album’s tone) and in front of the mic. Collabos with MF Doom, Erick Sermon, and more.

8 - Homeboy Sandman – First Of A Living Breed

Last: #2 in 2010

Video: Whatchu Want From Me

Notes: “Not Really” is the anti-swag of 2012: “It occurred to me one show/I’m on stage while used to be in the front row/That’s like a ten foot distance/It’s not a real big difference…”

9 - Gangrene – Vodka And Ayahuasca

Last: NA

Video: Vodka & Ayahuasca

Notes: Oh No and Alchemist team up and get a bit trippy on their second release, featuring heavy guitar loops and heavy beats. Prodigy, Roc Marciano, and Kool G Rap give up solid collabos.

10 - Typical Cats – 3

Last: NA
Video: The Crown
Notes: The Chicago based group returns with their trio of MCs: Qwel, Denizen Kane, and Qwazaar, who flip their tracks in the fashion of the multi-member crews of yesteryear.

Others Receiving Votes:

El-P – Cancer For Cure

Last: #6 in 2007

Video:

Notes: The rat/squirrel puppet on “The Full Retard” video may be the most creative and out the box puppet since the UMC’s Blue Cheese blob. A banner year for El-P headlined by this joint.

Odd Future – The OF Tape Vol 2

Last: NA

Video: Oldie

Notes: Strip away all the hipster, frat boy, and random weirdo fans, and Odd Future puts out quality and on point Hip Hop. Not to be fronted on is Earl Sweatshirt’s epic verse on “Oldie.”

DJ Premier & Bumpy Knuckles - Kolexxxion

Last: NA

Video: More Levels

Notes: Combined 50 years in rap, Primo and Foxxx give exactly what you would expect: straight rhymes and boom bap beats. Bump is out for fake ass rhyming pus*ies, and he ain’t afraid to let em know.

Killer Mike – R.A.P. Music

Last: NA

Video: Big Beast f/ Bun B, TI, and Trouble

Notes: A meticulous mix of El-P’s trademarked production and Killer Mike’s southern flow, this record serves to remind us that the South ain’t all about trap houses and candy paint…but still is.

Roc Marciano – Reloaded

Last: #6 in 2010

Video: 76

Notes: Roc doesn’t need elaborate production or superstar cameos or even over the top marketing. He just gives the listener on point street driven rhymes.

GOING BACK: 2006 Best, 2007 Tops, 2008 Greats, 2009 Bangers, 2010 Damn That's Fresh, 2011 Dayuuuuuum

 

Christmas SG Style

Christmas is the SG House and with it comes the tree and all the trimmmings. Like many readers, one may wonder: "what is hanging on the SG Christmas Tree?"  Falling in line with the pillars we rep here, let's take a look...

-CU Ornaments: 15 - Yes, the number of ornaments on the tree outnumbers the wins by the football team over the last four seasons.

-Beer Ornaments: 5 - The favorite is El Boracho ornamnent, which is described as "Mexican or Chicano slang for a drunkard."  Si, pass mas cereveza...Feliz Navidad.

-Rockies Ornaments: 1 - There was two, but one broke over the long storage season.  Kind of like the actual team.

-Nuggets Ornaments: 1 - Surprisingly equal to the number of outside jumpers hit by the team last night.  However, there are a couple gifts wrapped in Nuggets' wrapping paper.  If only the team played that tight of defense.

-Broncos Ornaments: 2 - One of them is a John Elway figurine that is missing his right foot.  The since deceased cat bit it off some years ago.  Damn cat was always a Chargers fan.

-Hip Hop Ornaments: 0 - Always thought a Krylon can on top of the tree might be a nice touch

RELATED: De La Soul f/ Redman - "Oooooh" - ("all my goodies out from under the tree, except the CDs of shiny-suit rappers and flossin emcees who fail at takin it to rhyme degrees")

Dyme-A-Duzin - "Swank Sinatra"

No one really thought that this Dyme-A-Duzin joint with Joey Bada$$, Capital Steez, and CJ Fly would get past the Slushy Gutter eyes. Classic NY feel, precise lyrics, boom bap beat, no bullshit.

SG Bowl Mania 2012

It must be the Holiday season again: decorations, present shopping, and CU is no where to be seen in teh myriad of upcoming bowl games.  Fear not Buff fans, because we still pick all the bowl games.  Take that and stick it in your garish blazer, bowl people.

This year the winner of the SG Bowl Mania will get to be the next CU coach!  Invite everyone and anyone to join.  Except for one Mr Butch Jones, he probably wouldn't be able to decide if he wanted in anyway.

Yahoo College Bowl Pick Em
id = 21273
password = beer

RELATED: House Of Pain - "Fed Up"

Coach Mac Losing It

Other things that Coach Mac had in his letter/rant about the entire CU situation:

-Judge Joe Brown should be on at 3:00pm, and not any later to interfere with dinner!

-My Lawn: stay off it.

-King Soopers offers a way better grapefruit selection than Safeway. But make sure you wait for a sale.

-That damn rappy music. What ever happened to Pat Boone and Sinatra?

-I refuse to have an battery powered pencil sharpener. What happens if I'm halfway through the crossword and the batteries run out?

-You can't get a good pair of house slippers in Boulder.

-I used to be able to get a cup of coffee at McDonalds. Now there's whipped cream, mocha, sprinkles, and chocolate swirls!

-There's way too many 6pm games. I'm well into bedtime by then.

-I can't believe CU doesn't have recliners in the team room.

RELATED: Naughty By Nature - "The Craziest"

Bathroom Bar Art #12

FOUND BY: Commish CH

WHERE: Downtown Portland OR


Add your captions,comments, and analysis in the 'Comments' section

Hitting You From Every Angle

So, SG favorite Dante Bichette is the new Rockies' hitting coach.  "Hey guys, the Broncos hired someone with ties to the team and look at them!  We should do that too!"

While the SG has no problem with Dante as hitting coach, he was a steady hitter in his day here, there are some confounding reasons as to his hiring.

One, he understands the difference between Coors and the road.  Of course, anyone who reads a stat sheet can see those numbers are as far apart as Ms America and Ms Methhead.  But didn't Dante essentially lose the 1995 MVP because his numbers were that different?

Two, he knows the "approach" to the game.  Meh.  Look at Dante in his days.  Not the slimmest dude, didn't always hustle, he seemed to be disinterested at times.  If the apporach to the game is swilling beers and downing chicken wings, then we can pencil in that pennant.

But he hits off a tee!  Great, so do the six year olds.  Can they beat the Dodgers in late July?

Dante ultimately might be better than the last hitting coach, or the dude before that, or even his own coach while at 20th & Blake (insert there names here: )  But the hitting coach for 81 games might as well be a pitching machine and they'll need real instruction for the 81 road games.  Besides, that humidor keeps those wings fresh for a few extra days.

RELATED: Chubb Rock - "The Chubbster"

Legalize and I Advertise

How Colorado legalizing the chronic will affect the various sports teams:

--"Coach Embree?  There's a Mr. Ricky Williams on line one asking if we are hiring?"

--The old 'D' Bronco logo?  The smoke coming out of the horse's nostrils?  Yep.

--CU Buffs award MJ leafs on the back of their helmets for touchdowns, big tackles, interceptions, and mastering a six foot bong.

--Coors Field humidor will keep your weed fresh and green for later use.

--All those charity "Bowl A Thon" events take on new meaning.

--Training tables consisting of chili cheese nachos and cold pizza will force Frito Lay to hire dozens of new sales reps and drivers.

--Denver Nuggets?  Nuggets?  Nuggets (followed by 20 minutes of laughter)

--It just isn't the same coming out on the field to Cypress Hill as it was to AC/DC.

--NBA Players Association asks for expansion teams in every Colorado city over 50,000 people.

--His name is Rashaan Salaam, and today he is vindicated.

RELATED: Mic Geronimo - "Masta IC"